Author Archives: Nick D

Remnants fadeas pain sets in.Some few words to mark this transition.A wholeness is a comfortand gratefulness conquers fearin the end.I am thankfuland I do not fear.Though I do not wish for an endI understand one.Sharp focussoftened as edges smooth through the knowing.And the knowing is a boonas well as a curse.I appreciate the beautyall theContinue reading “Return”

Something slightly differentawakens from a 3AM dream;spilling,the well of my souloverflows its stony wallsand yellow,sun-colored loveescapes out and downcoating all.From the painand the very depths of the painand all that wasthe pain,this yellow spring souloverwhelms.The pain is coated.It is all coated yellow.The joy is bounteousfrom my center,I feel every part of myselfand everything else, too.ItContinue reading “Dream Well”

A proper soreness,a painearned. What is the differencefrom paininflicted external?What is that thingthat allows painto be a comfortwhen by some trialor effort?And why cannotthat comfortbe found otherwise?My handviscerally aches,nerves from thumb to mid forearmas I type this.Yetgrinning I recall the rainyesterdayswelling the river.Cold, earned suffering.But chosen.Chosen suffering.The good kind.It is regularly strangeto be human.

Some kind of smallnessdestined for expansion.Not quite a seedbut seed-like:potential.I want to see the future;it is some blendof impatienceand curiosityand awe.And maybea little fearthough not so muchanymore,as it was.

I lift a small thing;it is so heavy.I write a few words;they seem so many.

Because I will be starting an AI course next week that deals with modern ethical theory, I think it worthwhile to get my unadulterated thoughts down first, before they become corrupted by the university. Problem: AI use is not free, and the costs are difficult to quantify. These costs include, without accounting for specificity orContinue reading “Preemptive Ethics”

This is a simple celebration.Take a moment,bask in the absurdity of irrelevant triumph.A random Thursday’s glorysmiles forward.Toss me your hat.

One thousand eyeslookingone thousand directions.To each a threadaffixed to the brainstretching attentionthis way and thatuntil deformation.Triage is a tornadotossing each around the dayand hoping nothing falls.And the constant discontentof being unableto fully committo all but the minimum,with the knowledge of being able to do better,yet unablenow.Worse stillis the oozecoating leisure.Moments of stillnessunallowedby the remaining threads.DisassociationContinue reading “Casually Distracted”

It begins with a seedplacedwhere it may succeed.In a momentit decides,”Yes, here I can growuntil I die.”The ultimate decision;finalitydecided at onset.A whole liferootedhere.No knowledge of possibility.No possibility of change.Trustseededwith impossibilityof regret.And to take that chosen spotand bring as much beautyas potential allows.I suspectwe are more plantthan we pretend.The momentum of birthis a powerful seed.Although leggedandContinue reading “Photosynthesis”

Illness,such as it is,has been a museif nothing else.Though there is a linewhere pasteven impassioned desire falters.I found it.Finally, I’m feeling more myselfand can returnto this.I feel the yin yang’scurse.Overwhelming blessingtemperedwith persistent remindersof mortality.It seems I am unableto have onewithoutthe other.”Such is the way,such is the truth,”it is said.I’ve never put faithin such superstition,though itContinue reading “Hiatus (In need of practice)”