Author Archives: Nick D

I reflect on what’s coming; the funeral. I remember when I was made to feel badly by my father’s other that my mother had bought a car. That child support money had bought a car. Which was false, but it didn’t matter. I was made to feel badly. That I should be held responsible forContinue reading “Anger”

It is done. The chapter finished. No, the book. She journaled as long as I can remember. I always thought it was strange how impossible her handwriting was despite daily practice. I don’t think she knew I wrote too. Though I know my handwriting is impossible so I do this instead. What’s left to sayContinue reading “Loss”

This morning I mused between Roko and UBI, fueled by pain. Apparently, giving up chocolate stops pain or some such nonsense. It’s a bit more complicated but is it? I think I need to take the afternoon to charge batteries for tomorrow. I need to be sharp tomorrow. We’re talking about change tomorrow. I seeContinue reading “I’d like some chocolate, please”

I had a whole Monday off yesterday. I read a book. I had a light workout. I changed the filter. I wrote for hours. I cheered for my team. I baked some bread. I played a game. I supported my wife. I felt the need today to celebrate yesterday when most of my writing latelyContinue reading “Success”

This morning was, am, overly introspective if that’s a thing. Maybe the word overly is overly judgmental. Whatever. I think something about losing last night and tossing and turning and tossing and turning and waking sore and tired has something to do with it. Or maybe it’s the wind, incessant, unstoppable, irritating, cold. I couldContinue reading “Dull Wind”

I have a change management training coming up. It is based on the ADKAR ProSci model. I actually like this model- I had a similar training many years ago when I first started at the Division. I even read the book. There’s a small amount of “pre-work” for the training: think of a personal changeContinue reading “Change management… I guess”

The fight was fought. Never leaving the farm but for a moment to return to the end. Almost 30 years since the same fight took him; in the same place at the end. No fear in her confidence of the end. I hope she is right, and the next chapter is everything she knows toContinue reading “The End”

Last night there was a windstorm. Hollydog maybe hates the wind more than I do. But not by much. I slept fitfully with earplugs. And I dreamt. What is the reverse of a nightmare? Some emotional high; wordless. I don’t even know what it was about, just a feeling. Random unknown and wordless. Then waking,Continue reading “Windstorm”

I’m pretty sure that I got it from a baby. Like a literal baby. Bunch of nonsense. Now as I sit and try to type my nose drips drips drips, and it is driving me insane insane insane.

I acknowledge the vanity of writing. Specifically my writing, this writing. Writing as an art is beautiful and useful. Some writing is beautiful and useful. This is not. This is vanity. The idea that this writing does anything more than allow me to move thoughts to permanence is vanity. But I’ll allow it. For myself.Continue reading “On vanity”